The one thing I probably hate the most about guys, is ignorance. I guess I'm a bit of a feminist. I hate guys who think they are the shit for one reason...they are male. I understand that in the past it has been ingraved into guys minds that they are the superior sex,but in todays modern day society it isn't like that anymore,&many guys have a hard time accepting that.I think that's why most men are so arrogant towards women making any type of progress in moving up within society,they feel as if they need to protect their dignity& "power" or lack there of. I also think that women are also at partial blame for men acting like this because they don't step up. Many women refuse to stand up to a man, and that gives the man even more power; if no one stands up to them how will they know that what they are doing is wrong. Personally if I hear a guy using the word "Bitch" in a degrading manner I will completely lose it on them and make it very clear that using that word like that around me will not get them very far. &that it's not right to say because it can really offend some people. I know many girls out there agree with me but many of them don't stand up against it. My dad always taught me growing up that a girl could definitly do anything a guy can do...&not to let anyone tell me different. I can't stand when a guy underminds me...like because you've got a penis you think your better than me? I understand yeah your tougher than me,you've got bigger muscles...but that does NOT make you any better than me.My favourite thing is when a guy refuses he's wrong, I understand either sex doesn't like to admit when they are wrong,but women are a lot more likely to do it than a man is. Maybe throughout this entire thing I'm just being completely stubborn&sexist but I'm just going by what I've seen over the span of my life. &if I offend any guys who just so happenly read this then I'm very sorry...

My dad died last Feburary,my mom had a boyfriend in Aug...how does that work? They were married for like 18 years,but had been dating since my mom was 16 and she was 44 when he died...how do you move on so quickly. Not only did my mom just get a boyfriend extremely soon but they are also engaged as I write this. Now that's just the most obsence thing I've heard of,your husband died less than a year ago and you've already moved on&found someone else. It's people like my mom who ruin the meaning of marriage. When you marry someone you are supposed to be devoted to that person for as long as you live! If you just move on quickly once that person has died that really shows everyone around you how you felt about your partner to begin with. If my mom maybe waited atleast 3 years before even finding someone else I could be a little more respectful towards her;;but she didn't...and as a result I can't respect her. The worst part about all of this is that she didn't tell me herself. I had to find out from her stupid fiance/boyfriend! She doesn't tell me shit, I'm basically left out of every decision she makes and she only thinks about herself since my dad died. She is always so concerned about what I'm doing after high school so she can know when she can move out to bum fuck idaho with her boyfriend. Honestly,if my mom does decide to marry this guy in less than a 3 year since my dad died time span..I won't be going to that wedding&she won't be coming to mine when I get married. She can't respect me enough to infrom me about this stuff then I really don't care. Also another thing that really pisses me off is the fact that my dad did EVERYTHING [he went to work everyday for extremely long hours so she never had to work] for her but she is showing very  little gratitude for it.

It's people like my mom who make me extremely angry because they are ruining the meaning of marriage. Marriage is a life time commitment to one person. You make this commitment when you are 100% sure you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Today people treat marriage as if it's nothing, hence the extremely high divorce rate(those are the other people that piss me off). Maybe I'm just way to old school but that's what I strongly believe. People walk into marriage these days so easily because they know they've always got a little thing called divorce, which butchers everything!

Even though your 1,000 miles away from someone is it even possible to really have a real bond with them? What if you've never even physically met the person? is it still possible? I had this friend who lived atleast 2 hours away from me. Now me&him were honestly best friends,I don't know what it was but something just made us instantly connect. We got along so well,but we never met. Eventually we even fell for eachother,I never understood how you could possibly fall for someone you've never met but after a while I discovered exactly how it happened. To many it just sounds insane&weird,but it happens...like infact many people have gotten married to someone they've met over the internet. It never turned into more because he always had a girlfriend,&I was so heartbroken. But now Im with my boyfriend&it doesn't bother me. It's hard to keep a best friend who lives miles away from you though,like you live/connect in a world of text messages&instant messages,it's hard.

This entry is about 1 week late,but that's just because I've been so busy with everything...&you'll see why.  Last Thursday my dad had a massive heart attack&fell into a coma ,then the Friday after that they put him on life support,and also told us that he was half brain dead,and if he did come out of the coma he wouldn't be able to do anything,and probably won't remember anyone or anything about his life.  My Aunts&Uncles came from London/New Brunswick,and my Grampie came too. We deicded that the only thing we could do was take my dad off life support,for the sake of himself...at 6:00 they did it. My dad faught for 2 hours and 20 minutes,he kept playing mind games with us...then at 8:20 on Feb,9,2008 my dad's heart stopped beating. Im only 16,I can't live without my dad...who am I kidding? Lately I've been going around with this fake smile on pretending Im strong,everyone keeps telling me it...but honestly..I miss my daddy =( You can't take a girls dad away at the age of 16. I was his world&he was mine,I dont know what Im gonna do without him. Im trying to be strong because he always told me to be strong,but seriously...it's my dad,everyone knew how much I needed him. He always told me that he'd never let anything happen to me,who's gonna make that happen now? He had plans for me,even though he would have struggled to get me money for college he still would have gotten it,because he wanted me to have this amazing life...but without my dad how's my life going to be amazing now?

I know Im gonna be okay,it's not like Im gonna die..it's just,maybe people don't understand because they always compare it to their grandparents and stuff....but losing a grandparent is a lot different then losing an actual parent who actually loved you...&just suddenly disappeared on you...

I love my dad,he'll always be in my heart<3

So here is the real me...no cover ups,no lies,just the complete truth. I'm a bitch,that's old news...everyone knows it.But no one truly understands why I am such a bitch,I can't even begin to understand it,it's way to complicated for my liking.But here's another thing that is the complete truth..I'M ALWAYS THERE.If you ever need someone to talk to I'm there,there is never any doubt about that...even if I don't really like you OR know you,I'm still there.I'm the type of person that loves making other people better&helping them out. I care for my best friend who is practically my sister more then I care about myself,you can go and say shit about me and I won't give two craps..but the minute something bad comes out of your mouth about her...it's all over. Here's another interesting fact..I'm always just the friend...that's just who I am. I am really shy,so I guess that's why I'm not really always in a relationship,but that doesn't mean I don't want one. See I am also not really the type of girl who tells someone she likes them...but I did recently&wow,that may have some affect on me in the long run one day. There's this thing about me where no matter what you do to me I will always be there,especially if your someone special to me. You can treat me like shit,piss me off,push me to the side&what ever other shitty things you could think of to do to me and $50 says I'll still be there. I am extremely emotional,at any point in time I oculd just break down&start crying for no appearent reason.Maybe one day I'll find a guy who can handle all these flaws....maybe. I personally think I'd be fine never getting married or being single for a long time because I'm not one of those girls who say they need  a boyfriend,all I need is my friends&I'm set for life. I'm a huge daddy's girl..I love my dad to death&if anything ever happened to him I don't know what I'd do! =( He has his dick moments where I can't stand him and want to just get away from him...but deep down he's my world,he provides for me,protects me and most of all loves me to death!!! me&my mom don't get a long so my dad is the only parent that I really have that I know won't leave me at any moment...except he is 62 which means...maybe he could leave me,but not volunteerlly. I don't come from an extremely well off family because it's only my dad that works,and even though he makes a shit load of money almost all of it goes to the bills,but even when we are short on cash my dad never lets that stop me from having a life&going out,he always finds money to give me.Most of the life lessons that I learned that weren't from my own personal experiences were from my best friends mom.Now this women is like my mom and I love her to death! She is a single mom who had to get away from her abusive/alcoholic husband...she got away from him and raised 2 kids on her own.She's gone through a lot of shitty things in her life yet she manages to get up every morning and go out and provide for her daughter who she'd take a bullet for anyday. She's taught me a lot about life that is sort of hard to explain but those things that she has taught me will be in the back of my mind forever. I love to write,I write from experiences and I am also writing a book that is a mix of experiences&what I wish would happen. When I am old enough and have enough money I plan on getting away from the city if it's the last thing I do! I can't stand being in the city.I also don't believe in forever,in my eyes its all bullshit  -nothing lasts forever-. I am also scared of love,I'm scared of knowing that I could completely tear apart someone's life in the time span of like 2 minutes&completely break their heart.I'm scaed to know that someone needs me so badly that if they lost me...their whole world would come crashing down.I'm scared to need someone too much because I'm scared that people always leave me. I've gone through a lot of stuff, but everyone just seems to over look all of that,they make it seem like I've never gone through anything,or it was nothing big,or it had no effect on me...but they are completely wrong!&I find that complete bullshit that people would even do such a thing to me,but they do.

*thats it for now*